


She Deserves Better

by gh03st_writer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Grief, Mentions of Death, Post-Avengers (2012), Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 10:44:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17681957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gh03st_writer/pseuds/gh03st_writer
Summary: Himmel, Goddess of Stars, lost the love of her life and it broke her beyond repair. When she discovered he was alive, she wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a cruel joke, especially considering what had transpired while she was racked with grief.After Loki’s attack on New York, he returns to Asgard in chains and his heart bared for only Himmel to see.





	She Deserves Better

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot with my OC Himmel, I was listening to Sleeping At Last – Saturn when I got inspired to write this. The summary is a little choppy, but I hope this is a good read.

Time stopped when Himmel caught sight of raven hair that was painfully familiar. Everything stopped.   
He walked closer and she forgot what it meant to breath. Her voice was barely above a whisper, “I thought you were dead.”  
She was no louder than a passing breeze, but he could hear her, the pain in her voice as clear as glass. The space between them was too much and too little all at once, he wanted to close the distance but waited for her to make the first move, “Did you mourn?”  
His voice reached her ears before his words did. She welcomed his voice, oh how she missed that voice, but the words he spoke made her want to scream. Himmel trembled as she spoke, “Did I mourn, you ask, did I mourn,” her voice could have shaken mountains, “I wailed until the morning sun shined over the horizon and retreated again, I cried so many tears that I was certain I had filled the ocean with my loss! I retreated into a slumber that only gods know, because I knew you would be there to welcome me; the day I heard of your death was the day stars fell from the sky like rain because I had no reason to hang them, I mourned for you, and I mourned for me, because I was certain that my death would be soon to follow.”  
Loki noticed Himmel’s hair was unbraided and freely flowing down her back as he listened and watched in agony the way she described her pain to him, he knew that she only let her hair run free when she barely had the energy to wake in the morning. Many had come to call it Unravelling the Stars, he liked the idea of the stars unraveling at her every whim, he did not like the fact that he was the cause.   
Loki reached out to embrace her, but she quickly moved out of his reach. Himmel wanted nothing more than to welcome his embrace, but the pain that had taken hold of her heart would not so easily let go, “You ask me if I mourned, what kind of a cruel question to ask,” tears started to flow from her eyes like a raging sea, “I can see everyone’s fate except for yours, and that left with me with the feeling that your death was not only true but I could not stop it, a feeling of great guilt that plagues me to this day.”  
There were no words for the feeling of pain he saw written all over Himmel. There was no comfort he could offer her; not after what he had done. The next words that left Loki’s mouth were not one’s of rational thinking, “Perhaps, it would have been better, if you still thought of me as dead.”  
She wanted to scream.  
She wanted to curse his name until the stars grew dark.  
Himmel looked at him with a fire in her eyes that only a deep sorrow and pain could ignite, “How could you even suggest such a thing?”  
Loki lowered his gaze, angry with himself and not willing to meet hers, “I’ve done something terrible, Himmel, something that cannot be undone, I’m a monster.”  
Himmel stepped closer to him, not sure if she wanted to hit him or embrace him, “No matter what you have done, I will never think of you as a monster.”  
She gently held his face in her hands, forcing him to meet her gaze, “Loki, on the night you asked me to marry you, you told me that the universe was made to be seen by my eyes and that the stars were hung so that I could dance among them.”  
Loki searched your eyes for the anger he expected to be there but was only met with sorrow and kindness. He rested a hand over one of hers, “I don’t understand what that has to do with this.”  
Himmel smiled softly, “There is no monster, in all the nine realms, that would say such words to me,” she brushed a thumb across his cheek, “Monsters do not consider themselves monsters because of their own actions, but the actions of others that have been committed against them.”  
After everything he had done.   
After he discovered who he really was, she still loved him as much as the first day they had met, and it made him want to scream. He knew that she deserved better than him, and yet, here she was comforting him after everything he had done.   
A tear snaked its way down Loki’s face, Himmel brushed her lips against his cheek to stop the tear from falling. He turned his face so that his lips met hers and there they stayed, wishing time would stop.  
Just this once.  
But time stops for no one, not even gods.  
A knock at the door announced Thor’s arrival and that their time together was coming to an end. They parted solemnly as Thor stood in the now open doorway as he addressed his brother and Himmel, “It’s time.”  
Loki held Himmel’s face in his hands, searching her eyes for anything other than sorrow, “You deserve much better than I.”  
Himmel shook her head softly, a small chuckle escaping her lips, “To want what we don’t deserve is the curse of living.”  
Loki smiled softly and rested his forehead against hers, committing to memory the feeling of having her close. His crimes against the Midgardians had cost him his freedom; and his heart.   
Himmel could feel his magic start to creep into her mind, jolting her in surprise as confusion covered her face, “Loki, what are you doing?”  
Loki took one last look into her eyes, and it was then that he found something other than sorrow in her gaze. He did not answer her question, he knew what had to be done.   
It was for the best.  
At least that’s what he told himself.  
He placed a final kiss on the top of her head before she realized what he was doing. Himmel could feel a fog take hold in her mind as she fell limp into his arms, as if exhaustion had suddenly taken hold of her.   
Thor rushed towards them, “Loki, what have you done?”  
Loki held her in his arms and motioned for his brother to take Himmel from him, “Call the guards to escort me, I’ll go without a fuss.”  
Thor called for the guards and hesitantly took the unconscious goddess from his brother, “But what have you done to her?”  
Loki brushed a stray piece of hair from Himmel’s face, “I wasn’t able to take her memories away, but I was able to change them, now she will only know me as the monster that the rest of the nine realms knows me as.”  
Thor could see the pain and sadness in his brother’s eyes as Loki brushed his hand against Himmel’s face, “Are you certain that was the right decision?”  
The guards appeared, ready to escort Loki to his prison. The young prince did not take the time to brief his brother on all the details of the magic he performed on Himmel; and if he was being honest, he wasn’t even sure it would take hold. A part of him hoped it had worked, hoped that it would help ease the pain he had caused her.  
“Take care of her,” were Loki’s last words to Thor before he left with the guards.


End file.
